A Poem–Before the RETREAT

I am beginning to write a book about healing from trauma and will be posting several poems for the introductory section. My focus is on spiritual healing and the healing could be from narcissistic abuse, trauma, or acute stress reactions.

Before the Retreat

My thoughts tumble in the wind tunnel
of my mind:
Where is God?
Where is peace?
Falling into the abyss, I’m almost
over the edge, one unkind word short
of insanity, the cold hard edge
of non-love twists my heart like
a knife wound. I am under a dark cloud
on land once beautiful, or the illusion of
beauty, once a place for butterflies and flowers.

The dark bear of threat now lurks in the forest,
full of dead branches and fallen limbs,
rotted stumps lying on park-like property,
the owner dumping mud on the beauty
of green grass and my own inner light.

A curse hangs over this place I once lived
and I am the final recipient. I let that curse go
into the ether, watching the black smoke
flow upward. I try to erect a firm fence line
to keep future demons out, but negative
energy forces me out anyway.

My prayer lifts to the heavens:
bring me light, God, bring me light.

Mariel

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